Maytag nuts

What are these things? Rubber tribbles? Dog teethers? Super easy grippable juggling balls? Particularly cruel and pointy children’s toys? Colorful, easily sanitized, sado-masochistic ben wa balls?  

No. They are “dryer balls” (known in trucker country as “dryer nuts”). “The Natural Way To Soften Fabrics!” Clearly by humiliating them as they tumble together in your dryer.  

Congratulate me for buying them! The Ontel Products Corporation did, in their useful and informative insert.

Some added benefits include a vocabulary lesson:




And the ability to cut down on people complaining about things:




*Based on feedback from actual users. 

(Not made-up users).

Though I was apparently mistaken that the balls humiliate the laundry.  They apparently work by rolling into small mountain ranges and destroying unfluffiness.


I gave them quite the test. Two loads of wash including  jeans, towels and sheets. Verdict: some fluffiness achieved, but I think I over-challenged them.  I don’t normally have so many things that defy drying all in one load.  

Ran another cycle of the dryer after taking out the small things that had dried fine. I noticed more lint than usual in the lint trap.  Also, and the end of the second cycle, the sheets, towels and jeans (the things that weren’t completely dry at the end of the first round) were dry, had attained a degree of fluffiness, and were less wrinkled.  And still more lint!

Two thumbs up for the wrinkle-humiliating and destroying nodule orbs.


5 Responses to “Maytag nuts”

  1. Princess Says:

    If they’re rubber tribbles, what sound would they make?

  2. jenifersf Says:

    Like a dog’s squeeze toy without the squeaker.

  3. Musi Says:

    I worry that the extra lint in your trap indicates that enhanced fluffiness is achieved at the expense of the structural integrity of your fabric. Perhaps the ‘nuts’ radically shorten the lifespan of the clothing/sheets/etc. they come in contact with. Maybe there is something akin to the Uncertainty Principle at work here: the more fluffiness you attempt to exact from a garment, the briefer the time-frame in which it is wearable. There is probably a whole science of fluffiness waiting to be discovered.

  4. jenifersf Says:

    I KNEW there was some destruction involved.

  5. Sonoma Madman (@SonomaMadman) Says:

    hey who DOESNT love fluffiness!!! or bdsm ben wa balls for that matter.

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